Harpur College 1966 Yearbook (Binghamton, NY) - Full Access

author, Laurence Kresse/ The following excerpts are from the freshman diary of one of the few students who did not leave Harpur im- mediately after that ridiculous "class of '66" photo tak- en on the quadrangle in 1962. The author wishes to point out that, at the time he wrote the diary, he was young, impressionable, and at least fifteen hairline years younger than he is now. This ought to go a long way in explaining the unabashed romanticism and full- head -of-hair vitality. Additionally, the author has re- quested that all allusions to real persons (except Mr. Walter Akinhead) be omitted. He asks this in the hope that those who know him (or those who foolishly think they do) will not draw hasty and unflattering conclu- sions about his (the author's) not-so-private personal life. Finally, the author would like to suggest that in four years of college he has achieved total emotional and in - tellectual maturity and has gained exactly three pounds. The madman in his diary, then, bears little, if any, re- semblance to the sophisticated and accomplished aca- demician who will graduate in June, 1966. September, 1962 Well, here I am in college. From the way things went the first day I should last a maximum three weeks. I'm not saying it couldn't happen to anybody, but still, a start like this I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Years from now maybe I'll think it's funny. Today I could die. Probably a lot of kids mistake Ansco for Harpur. I heard somebody talking about it next door, as a matter of fact. It's a collegiate looking building, nice and modern, and, if it wasn't for the gigantic red ANSCO sign you'd never know. Even though it flashes bright red right in 160 your face you could make a mistake, couldn't you? Any- body could. But mistaking it wasn't enough for us. No, we couldn 't say: "My, what a silly mistake, that's the ANSCO building," and drive on by. That would 've been too intelli - gent. We had to pull up the driveway and start unload- ing the car. We got my trunk up to the shipping office before even getting suspicious. My mother kept saying: "But where are the other freshmen, dear? " How could I know that the " other freshmen " were busy meeting girls and probably getting drunk and having college ex - periences already? As far as they were concerned, I was still in High School. Ansco High. I must have apologized around a million times as we backed out of the shipping office. I probably was the most embarrassed person they ever saw; at least they looked at me like I was. Hours later, in my room, I thought of all the witty, off-handed things I could 've said, like "Hi there, I'm a big Jewish kid from the city taking a little look at you farmers." That would 've taken the starch out of those stares , I bet. Then I'd of flashed a nice toothy smile (remembering, as mother said, to co- ver the space between my two front ones) and sort of cha cha on out, cool as a cucumber . • Anyway, we didn't get to the real college till everyone was already unpacked and had shook hands and showed each other their sweaters. I was getting some big start, I was. Mid-September, 1962 I just remembered the bit my mother pulled with the underpants. We were all sitting on our beds, getting set to tell each other lies about our childhoods . I hadn't told them anything about the Ansco fiasco, and thought I'd handled the kissing-mom-goodbye scene like an ace. As far as they knew, I was one of these self-assured , non- chalant, I'11-get-there-when -1'm-good 'n-ready types. That 's when SHE walked in , without thinking that one of us might be lounging around in a manly sort of way. She had these underpants in her hand. I swear I didn't even have time to faint before she opened my drawer, refolded everything, and kissed me another wet one goodbye. She claimed she found the pants in the glove compartment and thought I might need them. Now I know that you just don ' t find underpants in glove colll - partments. So I figure she got them in town and ran back to the college so she could burst in on us like that. Anyway, after that scene, I didn't even LOOK at my roommates. They must have thought I was amazingly cool. Sure. A blip .. .